You’re Getting Ghosted Because You’re Ghosting Your Intuition
You're on day seven of staring at your phone, and honestly? The situation is getting desperate.
Let's break down how you got here:
Day one: You had an unexpectedly nice time with Blake (27, from Spokane) throwing darts at that local dive bar you'd been meaning to check out. He's the whole package and the butterflies were real. He even said he'd text you to get together again. 😍
Day two: Radio silence, but that's... fine? 🥴 Maybe he's been golfing with the boys or his childhood dog died or MAYBE he left his phone in his Uber last night. You've only checked your phone approximately 847 times, and you definitely didn't spill your morning matcha everywhere when you heard it ding (spoiler: it was just your mom).
Day three: You sent what your group chat approved as "just the right amount of friendly and nonchalant" text: "Hey! I had so much fun the other night. Thanks again for making the time! How's your weekend been?" No response. 😶🌫️
Day six: Still nothing. You spent your entire therapy session unpacking this karmic disappointment, cried in the shower to Taylor Swift's "The Prophecy," and your friends are being... nice... but their "it has nothing to do with you" speeches are starting to sound like adults in a Charlie Brown movie. 😵💫
Why does this keep happening to you??? Are you… the problem?
My dear dear friend:
You're not being ghosted because of whatever elaborate reason your mind's concocted. You're being ghosted because you're ghosting your intuition.
The Swiping Stage: Are You Trusting Your Soul's Left and Right Swipe?
Your intuition has two very clear signals when it comes to potential matches: inner yes and inner no. But right now, you're drowning them out by swiping based on a mental checklist instead of your gut feelings.
When you’re swiping, pause to ask yourself as you’re skimming their profile:
How does this person make you feel, right off the bat?
Calm? Playful? Intrigued?
Does this person seem interesting to you? If so, why?
Does how they present themself align with your values and your favorite self?
How do you feel when you look at their eyes?
This requires actually pausing, reading a profile, and noticing how someone answers the perfectly crafted questions at Bumble’s dev team decided would perfectly capture a person’s essence.
When you read, noticing how your intuition responds. If you’re getting fatigued or flooded or your head feels to loud, just take a breather and recalibrate your intuition.
Your intuition has two very clear signals when it comes to potential matches: inner yes and inner no. You might still get the ick from the fish pic but maybe you won’t! Regardless, right now, you're drowning because you’re swiping based on a mental checklist instead of your gut feelings.
Yes, you’ll probably swipe left more. But the more intentional and intuitive you are, the more time and heart ache you’ll save yourself. You want to play the long intuitive game to get real value-aligned results.
The Texting Stage: Being For Everyone Is Like Unseasoned Chicken
If your messages read like a hostage negotiation letter where you're trying to convince someone to show you some mercy, this does not bode well. If they read like a cookie cutter version of the perfect hottie written by ChatGPT, even worse.
Being honest while getting to know someone is scarier than drunk texting your ex. Why? Because it's easier to be rejected for a fake version of you than the real one. Ego protection 101.
But the grand schemes of your ego are only keeping you from genuinely discovering compatibility and interest. While yes, it's scary to show up as your favorite quirky self, it's the only way to figure out if there's genuine intuitive alignment versus running around with a a Sims like question mark suspended over your head.
Send the memes! Being honest about spending your Friday nights reading with your cat and a cup of tea instead of pretending you're shaking booty at the clurb! Share an embarassing story about the time two years ago when you peed your pants! (Only if it feels intuitively right to you of course).
Let’s be honest, even if you’re giving The Universe some creative liberty, you know what you want in a partner and how you want to feel in a relationship. You want to be desired and loved for all of YOU, not just The Most Likable Version of You that’s been painstakingly crafted over years (aka the one that literally sobbed listening to America Ferrera’s speech in the Barbie Movie).
When you show up honestly instead of people-pleasing (as a Recovering PPP, I get it), genuine connection flows naturally. And if it doesn’t flow, it’s an intuitive no.
The On-A-Date Stage: Let Your Body Be The Referee
No more casting every person you go on a date with in your personal Hallmark movie. It’s keeping you from being present, showing up authentically, and really getting to know someone.
If you’re just checking off your mental list and noticing how you can fit yourself into their passions and dreams, you’re completing ignoring the intuitive somatic cues you’re receiving.
Instead of referencing your 18 questions to ask someone on a cheat sheet like you did on 8th grade math tests, be genuinely present. If it feels impossible, slip away to the bathroom and do a quick 5-minute reset. This means listening to your body's signals. Notice the moments when you freeze up or feel like you close off, and in those moments return to what makes you feel most alive and vibrant.
The whole experience of going on a first date is showing up exactly as you are. If you’re not clocking the insider secrets from your intuition, you might think you’re having a good time because there’s compatibility with this person when in reality you’re actually just enjoying the attention and talking about yourself (I mean who doesn’t). Such is the curse of being so interesting.
Deciding that just because someone has dog, likes to travel, hike, and is close to their family means they’re the partner of your dreams is taking you away from genuinely getting to know the person in front of you and letting the conversation flow organically. This means sharing what you actually want to share instead of reciting an episode of Love Life with Matthew Hussey word for word. Are you actively listening to your date or are you performing some Sims level archetype of the perfect date?
Anything you’re doing that’s feels performative or is taking you out of the present moment (like future casting) is actively hitting the mute button on your intuition. Why? Because your intuition can only evaluate information in the present moment.
The After-Date Stage: Nora Roberts > Organic Super Computer
Give yourself time and space to witness how the connection progresses organically and without Mastermind level intervention. No game playing—from Candy Crush to Dungeon and Dragons. Post-date, give yourself the space to notice what you actually want to do versus what you think you’re supposed to do (aka what Cosmo told you to do when you were 13).
It’s normal in moments of heightened intensity and attraction for it to be difficult to know what is intuitively right for you to do versus what the hormone monsters are whispering to you.
So, take a beat to clear your head and reconnect with your intuition. When you exit them mental and emotion hamster wheel, query yourself this:
Do I want to see this person again?
Do I want to get to know them better?
What feels right to you?
If you find yourself perpetually in fantasy land, dissociating like it’s your day job only to be constantly disappointed when your dates aren’t Prince Charming reincarnated, don't play the self-blame shame game. Your mind trying to figure out what's future potentials are could happen is completely normal. If you find your mind spiraling like Swifties hunting for Easter Eggs, throwing 404 error messages, remember that your brain is an organic super computer. It’s job is to solve problems and no computer can solve infinity.
Instead of rushing to create false safety through expectations and future plans, let your love story be one you get to experience in real time. You want your love to feel like your living an Emily Henry novel in real-time, not like it's following your script of a Preconceived Perfect Plan™️ (that’s really no fun at all).
And if they ghost? Repeat after me: "I am not responsible for anyone else's choices or actions, and other people's choices and actions do not define my worth." It's normal to feel disappointed, but stay anchored in how you feel, not the outcome. Dating is supposed to be fun, after all.
The Truth About Getting Ghosted
Wherever you’re at in your dating experience (just dipping your toe back in after getting out of a LTR or a keeping up the momentum after first date 38), remember that you get to do all of it at your pace. The more that you lean into your favorite version of yourself, approach dating as an interesting experiment to get to know yourself and other people better, and get clearer about what you’re looking for in a partner, the less you’re going to feel cursed to sick twist of fate and the more you’ll feel in charge of writing your own destiny.
If you’re getting ghosted, those people are not for you, and it has nothing to do with you. As much as you might like to blame this on The Universe, other people are responsible for their actions just as much as you’re responsible for the way you show up, communicate, and act.
And even when there isn't reciprocation from someone you think is finer than Jonathan Bailey (I know, shocking), it isn't about you—it's about genuine misalignment. There’s really no point wasting more time of your time trying to force or prove or convince anyone ever to want to spend time with or be interested in you. Think about it - when something's truly aligned, you feel calm, confident, and excited. When it's not? That's when the nervous, unsure, anxiously-waiting energy creeps in.
Your Magnetism is Your Success
Successfully dating isn't about getting texts back. It's about getting crystal clear on who you are, what kind of partner lights you up, and what kind of life you want to craft for yourself.
Each experience, even the ghosty ones, gives you juicy new info about what you're looking for and what you're not. It's all part of the fact-finding adventure that happens when you give yourself permission to show up as your Favorite Version of Yourself. When you meet someone you have a genuine connection with, there won't be games - there will be genuine interest and investment.
Remember: your most authentic self is your most magnetic.
Ready to discover yours? The Favorite Self Treasure Hunt is waiting to guide you home to yourself.