Loops vs. Spirals: How To Get Unstuck

Head in your hands, frigid water streaming down your face, you’re not sure how you ended up here again with all your hope of meeting The One pooled pathetically on the shower floor. What did you miss?

That date you were so excited about that you giddily texted only your 3 best friends about? Yeah, he literally texted 13-minutes before your reservation at that swanky new cocktail bar you’ve been dying to try that he, and you quote, “is not going to make it and there’s no need to reschedule.”

And so you’re here, oscillating between complete numbness (the water and the empty ache in your soul) and wanting to Banshie scream at someone, anyone, to make it make sense.

There’s a thought tornado in your head. It never works out, no matter what you do.

Did some evil witch curse your family line?

Is that how you got stuck in this groundhogs day?

No rom-com could make this broken-hearted hellscape into a meet-cute movie montage set to Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield.

And if one more aunt asks you when you’re going to bring someone special home for Christmas, you might officially enter your Villain era.

BUT HERE’S THE THING: YOU’RE STUCK IN THIS SOUL-SUCKING QUICKSAND BECAUSE YOU’RE LOOPING INSTEAD OF SPIRALING.

Familiar as they may seem, loops keep your mind and Self in a false sense of safety.

When you loop, you just repeat the same behavior over and over again expecting a different result.

(This is what my sweet mother likes to call the definition of insanity.)

They are real life booby-traps that suck you in and make you forget your personal agency. That you really do got this.

On the other hand, spirals are intuitive understandings of a repeating pattern and what it is trying to teach us.

Spirals have direction—they go up or down, inwards or outwards, sometimes all at the same time. They are trippy and yet also deeply illuminating. They’re also drenched in awe-inspiring creativity and out-of-the-box thinking.

The sensation of being caught in a loop is a mirage of a spiral. No matter how many times around it your turn, you can quite reach your dream-life oasis.

The reason? The different choices you keep making are not actually that different at all. They are echoes of the same past patterns, just in a different font.

To unlock the achingly sweet dream that continues to send you to your knees at 3am, you need to cook up a different plot.

So how do you enter the intentional spiral to the light at the end of the tunnel and get off the vomit-inducing Tea Cup ride at Disney?

You narrow in on what feels right (and wrong) to you. Like dig really deep down into it.

You search for your liberation within your misfortune.

You craft a new story with the wildest character arc.

And you crank the volume all the way up on your inner narrator.

MAKE THE NEXT ERA OF YOUR LIFE AN EPIC REBOOT INSTEAD OF JUST ANOTHER REMAKE.

Romeo and Juliet is maybe the most retold story known to man.

Every three to five years someone decides to remake it, the same story with the same characters.

More often than not, critics pick apart glaring word-for-word retellings like starving vultures. It’s… too obvious. Nothing new.

On the other hand, a soulful, heart-wrenching story of star-crossed lovers set in a historic moment of human history that also weaves mind-bending moral dilemma with the most profound character arcs? Well, that’s sure to top the charts.

A new story told with the same heart.

It’s what differentiates the hip and modern Baz Lurman and the nostalgic Franco Zeffirelli Romeo and Juliet remakes from cult classics like The Titanic, The Fault in Our Stars, Avatar, and The Notebook.

It’s the same with loops and spirals.

Repeating the same boring story (loops) versus creatively looking at your life and telling a new story with a new ending (spirals).

Like choosing different topics for first date convos and reading every dating manual known to man instead of figuring out what you really want from a relationship and going on dates with humans you are actually compatible with.

The difference is the amount of personal agency and radical self-honesty you have.

You get to choose where you want to go. You get to choose what feels right to you. You get to choose to believe there’s a way out and go in search of it.

You see, when you just retell your life’s repeat stories, you feel a little like you’re going insane. Stuck in the same place, you start to feel like you’re going insane.

But when you embark on a swoon-worthy and mind-bending reboot, you lead with your heart and your intuition. You ponder if changing this one plot point could be the domino effect that triggers the epic unfolding of your once in a lifetime love story.

THERE’S A SHORTCUT OUT OF YOUR PERSONAL HELLSCAPE.

Spoiler: it’s your intuition. That gentle voice of wisdom within you that feels so right you can’t really explain it—you just know it.

It’s your inner narrator here to help you write your new story.

Like Morgan Freeman, smooth baritone over your life’s National Geographic documentary.

Next, you’ll see the lost human who is searching for their personal freedom.

You see them pacing and pulling at their hair? They are trying to find an answer, deeply distressed as another potential mate has failed to accept their bid for partnership.

Here, watch closely. They’re going to slow down their pacing, take a deep breath, and close their eyes. Do you see their body calm? Look at the human’s shoulders, they’ve dropped. Pay special attention to the muscle in their jaw slowly decrease in size.

This is the sign they are relaxing. That they’re on the verge of what they call an a-ha! moment. A realization of what to do next.

Watch them open their eyes now. There! Did you see it? There is a sparkle in their eyes and a renewed sense of passion and purpose in their step and yes, YES! They are climbing out of the hole. They have found a solution out of their conundrum.

Listen closely, you can hear their audible sigh of relief.

You see, this human has just found the beginning of their next story.

USE YOUR INTUITION TO TURN LOOPS INTO SPIRALS.

Your intuition is the tool you wield to weave your loop into a spiral. Your intuition is calming guidance from your soul to guide in the midst of absolute chaos.

It is your connection to your truest you so that when you feel beyond lost, you can remember what feels right and what feels deeply wrong to you.

In its most rudimentary state, your intuition is a traffic light. Red light? Green light? Yellow?

It's like your soul’s built-in GPS.

Not only does it help you figure out where to go, but also is your pulse check that reminds you of your big why behind it all.

Listening to your intuition actively builds your trust in yourself. The more you listen, the louder and stronger it gets.

And also listening to it is like champagne bubbles in your soul.

So, you’re ready to spiral towards the life of your dreams?

To click your heels three times and poof into a life that is full of magic and feels vividly you?

Wipe off the confusion that’s fogged up your mirror and take an honest, eye-opening look at you.

Decide to be done with the same old stories and pointless remakes.

Narrow in on what feels right (and wrong) to you. Like real dig deep down into it. Excavate all the nooks and crannies.

Search for your liberation within your misfortune.

Pick up that plume weave the most epic reboot of your looped story. Turn up the dial on your inner narrator and get down and boogie.

Strap on your cowboy get ready for where life is about to take you.

Not only will you stop spending prime Friday Night real estate being haunted by Casper the Ghost but all of a sudden, out of the blue, someone new will poof into your life.

Someone who, just by existing, makes you feel like you’re bathing in honey and drinking the most divine one-of-a-kind Sonoma wine.

Someone you gush over with all of your friends, kicking your feet giddily, swimming in all the gooey heart-melting feelings.

Someone who has a dedicated notes app titled [INSERT YOUR NAME]’s faves with nearly 250 entries of every little thing you’ve ever mentioned you have a smidge of an opinion about.

Someone whose gaze drips into your soul as you slow-dance at 11:28pm in the refrigerator light.

Someone who makes you feel like you’re writing your own epic Oscar-worthy romance with in realtime. Every moment feels like you’re coming more and more alive.

A life that is, in the most pinch-me way, is wholly different.

Because you heel-nudged the kickstand that had you doing donuts in the mud and pointed your handle bars at the brightest future you can concoct.

Out of your loop, you’ve spiraled into your new era.

And oh boy, you have no idea how good it’s about to get.